Time for a Change

So...last night i was talking to this guy that i like....he sorta snapped me back to reality. My past is not perfect.  Not in the slightest bit. but i need to stop my past from controlling me. Ive been a slave to myself for so long, that i practically dumped it all on him. I was unfair in the least and i basically lost any chance i had with him.  He now pretty much wants nothing to do with me outside of a friendship. That will have to do, i guess. But now its awkward when i see him around.  Its strange though, you find someone who you think will work, but it doesnt work. So basically ive had the worsts biggest reality check and im making changes to help myself recover and overcome my past.  ive been haunted for too long and i need to stop.

Another change in my life that i am making is my attitude. I am tired of hurting and crying and being sad and anxious and basically depressing. When did i become so negative? so pathetic? so weak? I dont care when...it ends NOW.

What  i love about my life:

my parents are not divorced and are happily together.
i am in early college and am not stuck in high school.
i am not in need of anything...meaning, im not starving or in desperate need of clothes
i have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in at night
i have food when im hungry and clothes when im cold
i have a car to use for transportation
i have a credit card which my dad pays for
i have an iphone and a Macbook Pro
i have a closet full of clothes
i have the most amazing friends who are always there for me.
i have a dog named Baxter who always loves me and is an amazing listener

Things I want changed in my life:

i (like every other girl) wish i were prettier and thinner
i want one best friend who has no other best friends and is with me constantly
i want to be smarter and make good grades all the time

Now, i put the things i want changed because i want to show you my thought process this morning. Those negative thoughts are MY fault. And i have the power to change them.

"i (like every other girl) wish i were prettier and thinner"

im not hideous... i like my shoulders alot and i think i have pretty eyes. My curly hair looks really good when i take the time to mess with it and my height isn't too tall or too low. I need to stop expecting to change unless theres something i want to change. all in all, i really do like what i look like.  Also, the sooner i fully accept myself and learn to love my looks, the sooner i can expect other people too as well. 

"i want one best friend who has no other best friends and is with me constantly"

i really dont want this..... MOVIES ARE UNREALISTIC!  having that best friend who you are with every minute of everyday is unrealistic.. plus, im pretty sure id want to kill him/her if i had to be with someone 24/7.  Plus, i have an amazing group of friends who i trust with my life! I am so grateful for them! 

"i want to be smarter and make good grades all the time"

im not gonna say im super smart, cause honestly im not. but im not stupid! Making "B"s and "C"s in college classes at 16/17 years of age is not the end of the world. yes, I study, but you know what, i can sure do a whole lot more to help my grade. I need to study harder and gain confidence in myself. 

Looking back over these three things that i wish were different in my life, ALL REVOLVE AROUND ME! All of these thoughts are so selfish and i need to get my mind off of this mindset. 

So basically, im going to do my best to be POSITIVE from now on!  

To wrap this up.... its up to you to make your life what it will be. Make every day count! 

Have a wonderful day, everyone! :) 

xoxo<3 

K